Tag Archives: Pregnancy Journey

My (First-born) Pregnancy Journey

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As I enter the last month of my first pregnancy, I am definitely feeling many emotions which I find difficult to articulate. So much has happened in the last 37 weeks that I find challenging penning my thoughts from pre-pregnancy till now… There has been so much struggle, tension and thanksgiving all at the same time.

Pre-pregnancy

I was having irregular menstrual periods prior to conceiving. As my husband and I felt that it was time for us to try for a kid (after having been married for almost three years), we decided that I should go for a check for my irregular periods.

I went to a polyclinic to get a referral to KKH so that I can receive the cost benefits of being a Singaporean public patient. It is really much cheaper than going to KKH directly even though I had to wait for a while. I didn’t mind the wait as compared to the price I had to pay for being a private patient at KKH. 😆

The day came that I went for my checkup at KKH. I can’t recall exactly what happened but I remember the gynae saying that I had polycystic ovaries, which means that there were multiple cysts in my ovaries. She said there was nothing much to worry about at that point as I am still considered young, told me to continue to have regular sex as we try for a kid, and made another appointment for me to go back to KKH for a more detailed scan.

I don’t recall that I was too worried about what the gynae said about my polycystic ovaries. My husband and I left KKH and went for lunch together.

Despite my irregular periods, I still kept my menstrual calendar app going; recording my period when it comes and when it stops. As I waited for my next KKH appointment, I happened to check my menstrual calendar one day and saw that according to the calendar, I was supposed to be having my period but it hasn’t come. Perhaps women who have irregular periods might ignore that but I didn’t. I decided to do a pregnancy test. And lo and behold, the test came out positive! I was skeptical at first because of two reasons: 1) the test kit was a cheap 50-cents test kit, 2) I didn’t know how a test kit worked and thought it could be spoilt. So I did my research on how a test kit works before I went to test again, only to realise that the kits were working fine. But I was still unconvinced because we’ve only tried to conceive for one month. So all in all, I tested five times with the 50-cents test kit before I told my husband “I’ve tested five times and all five times were positive.” We left it as that and waited for my next KKH appointment, which was just a few more days later.

I went to KKH alone for the appointment that day. I went to the counter, gave the letter to the lady at the counter, and after she gave me some instructions, I said “I think I am pregnant.” She said “What do you mean you think?” And I said “Because I tested and it was positive.” All the while I was feeling slightly awkward because it was my first time telling someone that I might be pregnant. “If you’re pregnant then you cannot do the scan today,” she said quite sternly. She quickly gave me another set of instructions and after some referrals here and there by the staff, I was referred to KKH’s A&E to find out whether I was really pregnant.

I registered myself at the A&E department and soon I was in the gynae’s room. I recall doing a urine test and the gynae saying “you are pregnant” as she showed me the urine test results. Then she did a pelvic ultrasound scan for me and she said “look, this is the yolk sac. You are about 5 weeks pregnant.” It felt so surreal in that moment, just hearing what the gynae was saying and looking at the screen of the ultrasound machine.

  • Yolk sac at 5 weeks

My husband and I were certainly glad and thankful that I was pregnant. And there I was in my first trimester of the pregnancy.

First Trimester

Unlike most, I think I had it easy in my first trimester for my first pregnancy. Other than feeling extremely tired and vomiting at night when I brushed my teeth, I didn’t experience any other forms of ‘morning sickness’. Not including the one time when I almost fainted on the way to work. Thank God my husband was with me that morning!

I experienced slight bleeding in the early days of discovering about my pregnancy, but didn’t go to the gynae until the 3d2n leaders retreat that I was at ended. (Yup I was bleeding during the 3 days at the retreat and no one knew 😶) Some might say that I’m foolish but I really didn’t sense the need to panic. There was peace as I trusted God. After the retreat, I told my husband about it and he told me to go to KKH for a check. So I went to KKH for a checkup at the A&E department and the gynae prescribed some hormone pills to stop the bleeding, which apparently also helped to stabilize the pregnancy. The bleeding stopped as soon as I started taking the pills and I didn’t experience bleeding anymore (other than from being constipated later on as I entered the second trimester 😣).

Being perpetually tired was one of my greatest struggles in this trimester. I felt lousy that I couldn’t do as much as I used to be able to. I felt unproductive. But in this season, the Lord taught me what Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT) meant “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Eventually I learnt to be okay with not being as productive as before I was pregnant (as long as I still do my best) and I also refined my definition of ‘best’ in this season. Doing your best is relative to each season that you are in, not comparing with any other season or any other person.

Another great struggle in this trimester and throughout the pregnancy was feeling emotional and not being able to articulate why I was emotional. I could cry at the slightest things but I would control myself because it just felt ridiculous to be crying over nothing. I cannot make sense of those emotional moments, I just am, and I guess the easiest way to cope with this was to blame it on hormonal changes. 🤷‍♀️

Second Trimester

  • My 17 weeks bump when sitting down

The second trimester was a breeze! 😎 some mommies might experience morning sickness slightly into the second trimester (and that’s okay! Cos some mommies experience morning sickness throughout the pregnancy 😩), I’m thankful that as soon as I entered the second trimester, I literally was not vomiting anymore and I felt that I had all the energy I needed to conquer the world! I’m kidding. Maybe just more energy than I had when in the first trimester and was able to go through each day normally like before I was pregnant.

No mommy experiencing serious morning sickness would say that they are okay with it. But because my morning sickness wasn’t that bad and was only vomiting at night when I brushed my teeth, it became a sign for me that baby was growing, and I actually embraced it and looked forward to it. (I’m not sadistic. It was the only sure sign that baby was growing!) I was okay with the vomiting although there were nights that were quite nasty… I simply told myself “this is good. It’s a sign that baby is growing.”

As I got used to having this sign that baby was growing, the struggle came when I stopped vomiting. Every night I would wonder whether baby was growing and I knew that if I continued to worry, it would have crippled me. So every time I wondered if baby was growing, I turned to God and prayed. In that moment of prayer, I remember that every life is given by God, and since it is given by God, then He also has the right to take it away. Humanly, I still struggle with this thought to this day, but every day I would choose to surrender baby to God and ask God to be gracious towards my husband and I.

We have named him Ean because Ean means the gracious gift of God, and the grace of God is what we saw throughout this pregnancy. We want our first-born to remember that his life is a result of the grace of God, and to bring this grace to all whom he will ever come into contact with in his lifetime. His full name is Ean Daniel 蔡毅恩 and you can find why we gave him this name over here.

Thank God that He allowed me to feel baby’s movements as early as week 16 so that I know baby is doing okay! I didn’t feel baby movements throughout the day but definitely in the evening just before I go to sleep. Actually I kinda felt something at week 15, which I researched and people call it “quickening”. It felt like something was moving in my lower abdomen, but I wasn’t confident it was baby’s movement because it was my first time feeling it. So I slowly learnt which were baby movements and which were bowel movements 😆 I’m kidding. I just learnt which were baby movements as the days went by. But it was certainly fascinating to feel those movements for the first time!

Third Trimester

  • One of the date nights in early third trimester

As I entered the third trimester, tiredness started to kick in again. It is difficult to stand or sit for long, and it is also difficult to go to sleep (not to say sleep well…). I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, occasionally being able to go back to sleep again, but most times I am wide awake. Thank God that I’ve been able to go back to sleep recently.

In this trimester, I started to treasure date nights way more than I used to. I would want to keep every night free, if possible, just so I could spend time with my husband. Because I know when baby comes, it will take a while for us to be able to spend time with just each other. And I’m thankful that we’ve been able to spend quite alot of time with each other during this period.

During this trimester, we did many things together in preparation for the baby to come – from buying things to washing things to preparing the house… We also decided on baby’s name (we started talking about it when we found out the gender in second trimester) during this period. I guess it’s the time when everything starts to become more real when you begin to prepare for the coming of the baby.

  • Husband helping with cleaning the baby’s room

Also in this trimester, I struggled most with my image. Whenever I looked into the mirror, I just feel horrible. I am okay with the stretch marks because they can be hidden by wearing the right clothes. But the double chin, the bigger than usual arms and legs, the hidden collar bone were the nightmare. No clothes seem to be able to hide these and no matter what angle the photos were taken, I just don’t FEEL good… As a way of coping, I have to always remind myself that this is a passing phase, how I look doesn’t define who I am, and I often have to go to my Creator to let Him remind me again and again who He says I am.

In this season of pregnancy, there are many people that I’m thankful for – friends who would check in, mommy friends who would meet up with me to share experiences, parents who would cook food and help with washing baby stuff… and I’m most thankful for my husband. He helps with household chores and ensuring the house is ready to receive baby with zero complaints. (I’m the terrible wife who complains because some things he does doesn’t meet my standards 😖 and yes, I’m learning. I’m learning to be okay as long as he tries 🙂) and he deals with my emotional roller coasters throughout the pregnancy. He never once gave up on me or walked away from me. 😌

Husbands, it really helps your wife to be able to enjoy the last lap of pregnancy when you help with things in the house, bear with them when they get unreasonable, and love on them in ways that they feel loved. And wives, be okay with things not meeting our standards as long as there is help, and be the one who initiates conversations to share how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. 😎 remember to work on your marriage in all seasons and especially so when baby comes, because the strength of our marriage will determine how well our baby grows!

As I finish writing this post, I am 37 weeks and 4 days now. And we really can’t wait to meet you, Ean!