I don’t usually feel so much. I normally can figure out why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. But tonight, my emotions is just like the mess in the picture. I hate it that I can’t properly articulate my emotions. I hate it that I’m frustrated yet I can’t really figure out why I’m feeling so. I hate it that when I’m in such a state, there seems to be no one in that moment that can help me to get out of that emotional mess (well, other than God). But what happens when I can’t hear what God is trying to say to me? Tonight is one crazy night. Lord, please release me from this emotional roller coaster.
Before I pen down my thoughts about today’s driving test, I’d like to remember the period when I was learning to drive.
Excitement overwhelmed me as I was sitting in the car, waiting for the instructor to come. I was praying and hoping very hard that it will a chinese, as I felt it would be easier to communicate. Then, a man walked towards the car and from the corner of my eye, I saw a dark-skinned man. “GOSH” I thought. Well, I gave in and only prayed for favour in the midst of all..
First session of driving was not too bad but I thought the pace was quite slow because he only went through the theory (which took VERY LONG! He talked very slowly!) and I only got to drive abit. So, I was quite sad because I still thought initially that I could learn more on the first day.
The bell rang, cars parked back to their original places, and the first session ended.
Honestly, I was quite scared during the first session. I was afraid that the car might crash as I took control of it, resulting in the loss of lives. HAHA. It’s true..
So I continued to take lessons almost every week, and at least once a week during the December holidays last year. It reached a point where I even took two consecutive lessons in a day, just so that I may be able to clear my modules faster. I almost died. Haha.. Foot numb, stomach growling, body perspiring… Lol.
Finally came the day that I cleared all the modules, and I can book my test date – 9th April 2012, 10:50am (warm-up) and 11.45am (test). The thing about learning in school is that there is a certain number of modules to clear before anyone can book test date. So I booked my test, and that was about 2 months ago.
Having finished learning all that I had to, I thought that I would book a few more lessons when my test is nearing. So 2 weeks ago, I decided to go to SSDC’s website to book a few lessons. To my horror and surprise, ALL the slots are booked from 2 weeks ago till 8th April! I was thinking “Die luhh… Haven’t touched a car for the past 2 months, really need God’s grace to pass it already”. There was nothing I could physically but to prepare myself mentally the whole driving process. It was to the extent that I even dreamt about my driving test! How mentally torturing right! Haha..
I dreamt that I was about to take my driving test. The tester came to me and pointed to me the car I was using – a sports car. The F1 kind, where there’s only 1 seat. I was puzzled. I asked “So how will you be testing me?” The tester said “I will take this other car (another F1 racing car!) and drive beside you.” HAHA. Shen jing bing right! lol! Ikr~ I was mad. HAHA.
So today is the day of my driving test. I was scared, nervous, well, every negative word could describe me. But the best word was “PESSIMISTIC”. Initially I still had ABIT of hope , but during the warm-up session, all hope’s lost. I realised that I couldn’t do parallel parking AT ALL. It’s true.. I think the instructor also sian diao. He must be thinking “what is this girl doing.. taking test later, now still don’t know how to do parallel parking..”
I thank God for His grace and favour. The instructor taught me how to do parallel parking (crash course!). At about 11.30am, I was brought into the waiting room. The testers came in one by one to call names. Secretly, I was hoping I could be one of the last.
The door opens. “Tiffany. Tiffany Tay….Su Hwee.” Die, was my first reaction. I stood up, and walked over to the tester. “Good morning,” said the tester. “Good morning,” I replied, trying to be as calm and as friendly as possible. We walked to the car, and as soon as I could bring myself to senses, I was already driving. Slope, S-course, crank course, directional change, vertical parking, parallel parking, and circuit was over. (: There were a bit of hiccups here and there, such as stalling the car, OH! when turning in to the directional change, I almost didn’t see a motorcyclist! It’s true.. 4 points for that. ><
After that we went on the road. Just as I was about to go on to the road, it started to pour. HEAVILY. “God what are you doing… I thought I prayed for no rain?” That was the first thing that came to my mind. “Don’t worry.. This is good for you. And trust that my grace is enough for you.” I heard that deep within my spirit. Thank you God. Not caring about the rain, I just drove and did what I usually did and what was taught to me. Major hiccup during the road test was starting off at 2nd gear. Haha.. Well, if the car can move off by starting 2nd gear, why not right? lol.. But tester say not good luhh.. I looked at the screen on the laptop, it shows 18 demerit points. I was thinking “oh no, there’s still E-brake that he hasn’t tested me on. No more points to add already..” We were going back to SSDC when I saw that.
“Ok, go straight. We are going to park back the car already.” SHIOK! My heart was lightened. So we parked back the car, alighted, and went to the debrief room. I waited outside, while the tester went to the office to get my result slip.
Woohoo! I passed! The tester explained to me some stuff that I had to take note of before I left to watch a video and apply for my Photocard Driving License.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:10
Today, I understood once again in this situation what this verse means. I knew I couldn’t do it by my own strength, I knew I won’t be able to make it if I depended on myself. It was only by God’s grace that I did it. It was in my weakness that I was made strong by God’s strength. Thank God indeed. (: Without God, I couldn’t have done it.
Oh! Almost forgot! This morning I was waiting for a cab to SSDC. I must say that the cab was really God-sent because it was a super new MANUAL car! how many super new cars nowadays is still manual?? We had a short convo when we were nearing SSDC and he gave me a few tips when he found out that I was going for my test. (: Thank you, Uncle! (if you can read this) and thank God again! (:
Also wanna thank my family for always being so supportive during this whole process! (: Thank you Ah yee and Uncle Frank for your prayers! Thanks Mum and Dad for being gan jiong and for the concern! (: I passed!